Under Attack

    I'm being attacked by hyper-moodiness today, I was supposed to write something nice, I was going to tell you the story of two of my feline friends, Tashi and Pacholas... But I don't seem to be able to assemble feelings and basic concepts into words. I guess we all feel this every now and then, but I'm not quite used to feel like this so often, I'm under attack right now O_O. I hope my possibly-still-not-existent readers are feeling great, and not as moody as I am. I'm not being very good at mindfullness right now, my mind couldn't be more far away from a lake with clear water (mind's natural and best state, they say). Everything is not clear. I'm happy, yes, things are going fine, but things are also going. Usually things don't go much around here, now stuff is happening and for "once" (ok not once but yeah...) in my life I don't want to run away from anything at all. I want to face everything head on, proud brave heart and working good and fast brain.

    I hope I don't get too addicted to stuff happening ... or too overwhelmed

Academic Stressing

Hello person,

    Five years have passed since I met my ex-best friend, we are no longer together in any way we did in the past. For five years we talked everyday of our lives, for five years I didn't know I was putting her in a pedestal too high for me to actually reach in time to realize we always had a lot of unsolved issues cluttering our friendship. She herself climbed to that pedestal, and she probably is aware of that. Every person who thinks they're a genius without even accomplishing anything in their area of expertise is, I think, a bit delusional. They can, however, think and say they have genius potential,  that's called "recognizing our own potential to achieve our own greatness" (however great it may be). Five years of trying to make myself feel equal to her and always feeling like I had to look up to her. Now, in the sixth year - the first year I will spend without her - I realized some truths were always in front of me.  And still I sometimes feel this gigantic anger towards her that I cannot entirely explain.

    Two years have passed since I started attending University, I will now be a senior in my hopefully last year. For two years I got myself involved with, mostly, the best people I could find, for two years I almost always put fun with new friends in front of all the studying I also should be doing. I got myself in a hard situation, I was aware of it all year(s) long. Everyone has their trust for me a little bit tainted now, they know I can finish this and do a good job, but they will never stop nagging me about my past mistakes and I have to not feel trapped by negativity. Two years of wonderful experiences, adventures and an awful lack of self-control. Now, in my senior year - the first year I will spend apart from my ex-best friend and my last year of University - I must work harder then ever and build back my self-esteem, self-control and sense of worthiness as an independent but cooperative young adult woman (haha this so looks like self-pep-talk, doesn't it?).

I hope you are not an emotional nakedness prude hehe.
Have a good morning/afternoon/night : 3
And wish me luck for my next emotional roller-coaster...