I need time...

Please help me fill my dark gaps when I'm lost
Please give me time to live what I don't understand just yet,
Because time is necessary, time makes you calmer and wiser...
Understand that we don't always understand everything... we just feel it.
Time and company, kisses, hugs, company, that's all I need.
...
And eventually I will need lots of accepting and understanding too...

Things about living with other human beings

Hello my friends,

    Today I bring you matters of the heart (-- again, I might say). When you love someone, a friend, a family member, a partner of any kind, you make compromises. When you love someone, you try your best to let the right message come across, you are honest with them and yourself. These are things I am loving to learn, these are things that never made more sense to me then now.
    I don't know what happened but I feel much more... connected. I now know how to observe others and myself, I now know when I need time on my own and when to reach out for company, and I also feel more able to understand loved one's emotions and feelings... Of course this is yet something to test in the day-to-day life, but I can now say I feel much more... like myself. It's a type of balance I do not want to loose and I am willing to do everything I can to not loose it.

    I'm still on vacation so I've been playing a lot of an anti-social game called Sims3 (yes--- I know, it's a silly time-consuming game... but it's entertaining), sleeping a lot and almost never leaving the house for days and days. But my body is ready, bring it on world ! Tie me up, smack me hard, toss me around, and I will just rise from self-pity all over again. I'm ready to love.

Much love, 

Fawlin

 

Academic Stressing

Hello person,

    Five years have passed since I met my ex-best friend, we are no longer together in any way we did in the past. For five years we talked everyday of our lives, for five years I didn't know I was putting her in a pedestal too high for me to actually reach in time to realize we always had a lot of unsolved issues cluttering our friendship. She herself climbed to that pedestal, and she probably is aware of that. Every person who thinks they're a genius without even accomplishing anything in their area of expertise is, I think, a bit delusional. They can, however, think and say they have genius potential,  that's called "recognizing our own potential to achieve our own greatness" (however great it may be). Five years of trying to make myself feel equal to her and always feeling like I had to look up to her. Now, in the sixth year - the first year I will spend without her - I realized some truths were always in front of me.  And still I sometimes feel this gigantic anger towards her that I cannot entirely explain.

    Two years have passed since I started attending University, I will now be a senior in my hopefully last year. For two years I got myself involved with, mostly, the best people I could find, for two years I almost always put fun with new friends in front of all the studying I also should be doing. I got myself in a hard situation, I was aware of it all year(s) long. Everyone has their trust for me a little bit tainted now, they know I can finish this and do a good job, but they will never stop nagging me about my past mistakes and I have to not feel trapped by negativity. Two years of wonderful experiences, adventures and an awful lack of self-control. Now, in my senior year - the first year I will spend apart from my ex-best friend and my last year of University - I must work harder then ever and build back my self-esteem, self-control and sense of worthiness as an independent but cooperative young adult woman (haha this so looks like self-pep-talk, doesn't it?).

I hope you are not an emotional nakedness prude hehe.
Have a good morning/afternoon/night : 3
And wish me luck for my next emotional roller-coaster...