MY HOME

Lonely thoughts they seep, into mind

into me
pushing deep
Wash the dirt, a hard days work
Know my place
On my own
No poison in my bones
On my own
This is where I build my home

My home,
this will always be my home

I work until it's late
Walk in and close the gate
I look in the window
and I gaze at my face
Every line and every abrasion
This took my life to make
This took my life to make
On my own
No poison in my bones
On my own, this is where I build my home
My home

I need someone, to hold
I need someone, to hold
My home
This will always be my home
This will always be my home

- Ellie <3 

(Ellie Golding)

This music resonated in me. It's my home (myself) but life is better when shared, so I'm glad to give the best of my hospitality. Be it whoever it may be. I am living to my maximum, enjoying others company and love whoever finds me along the way.

I'm unapologetic. Right now, despite all the obstacles, I am where I want to be. I am invincible, I may look (and sometimes be) fragile and lost... but my home is always ready to keep safe all the little scattered pieces of my self and hold me to sleep and rest before diving deep again. Rest for a long time, alone, if needed. Before and after all the beautiful noise.

Yours, 

me

Things about living with other human beings

Hello my friends,

    Today I bring you matters of the heart (-- again, I might say). When you love someone, a friend, a family member, a partner of any kind, you make compromises. When you love someone, you try your best to let the right message come across, you are honest with them and yourself. These are things I am loving to learn, these are things that never made more sense to me then now.
    I don't know what happened but I feel much more... connected. I now know how to observe others and myself, I now know when I need time on my own and when to reach out for company, and I also feel more able to understand loved one's emotions and feelings... Of course this is yet something to test in the day-to-day life, but I can now say I feel much more... like myself. It's a type of balance I do not want to loose and I am willing to do everything I can to not loose it.

    I'm still on vacation so I've been playing a lot of an anti-social game called Sims3 (yes--- I know, it's a silly time-consuming game... but it's entertaining), sleeping a lot and almost never leaving the house for days and days. But my body is ready, bring it on world ! Tie me up, smack me hard, toss me around, and I will just rise from self-pity all over again. I'm ready to love.

Much love, 

Fawlin

 

Under Attack

    I'm being attacked by hyper-moodiness today, I was supposed to write something nice, I was going to tell you the story of two of my feline friends, Tashi and Pacholas... But I don't seem to be able to assemble feelings and basic concepts into words. I guess we all feel this every now and then, but I'm not quite used to feel like this so often, I'm under attack right now O_O. I hope my possibly-still-not-existent readers are feeling great, and not as moody as I am. I'm not being very good at mindfullness right now, my mind couldn't be more far away from a lake with clear water (mind's natural and best state, they say). Everything is not clear. I'm happy, yes, things are going fine, but things are also going. Usually things don't go much around here, now stuff is happening and for "once" (ok not once but yeah...) in my life I don't want to run away from anything at all. I want to face everything head on, proud brave heart and working good and fast brain.

    I hope I don't get too addicted to stuff happening ... or too overwhelmed